I remember how scared I was of you at first. You were like...You were like that ride at the carnival, everyone else was trying it, and  I so badly wanted to but --it scared the hell out of me. And I guess --somehow you convinced me to take the leap of faith, and as much as I hated the unknown,
I suppose that the words
"You jump, I jump Jack," rang true that night.
something I never would have thought could happen.

The coffee..it was uhm...something.
This insanely strange commonality between us. We could stay up for hours on end, just drinking coffee, sometimes with like sugar, honey, milk ,and remember that one time, you tried that crazy powder cream?? Jesus...I miss you....I miss the way we could talk about anything. Nothing with us was taboo.

I hate the way things fell apart between us. Now let me be clear, when I say "fell apart", I mean I hate teh way our relationship plummeted to earth, entering orbit at far to high of a speed and exploding in to a thousand tiny shards. So, I miss us, pre-meteorite explosion.

That night that I had made the decision to give you your necklace back... I remember asking Mykk if I should, and all he said was "You know what's in your heart. You know how much she's hurting you." and I did. I... I remember you opened your arms to give me a hug before I left the Hass with my mom, and I stuck the necklace in your palm and said "You made your decision." and walked away.
I spent that entire night crying. The only time I stopped was while I was sleeping, because the minute I had conscious thought, all the horrible things that happened between us and tore us apart, they came rushing back, and it hurt. It truly hurt. You texted saying you were sorry and I said "No, you're not. I'm sick of crying over someone that will never cry over me." and the thing that keeps me awake at night, wishing that the "what if's" would go away, because you said, "I have cried though. I have spent countless nights thinking about you and it hurts me too that I can't be with you! I cry too! I love you!" and I couldn't respond. I couldn't bring my self to let it hurt me any more than you already had.

I guess, I'm writing this to let it out. That's a story no one here really knows. That's the reason you hurt me so much. That's the reason you still do hurt me... Sometimes, I just wish I could erase you from my heart and my mind, because it's this holding on thats killing me....