God... I know this look all too well.
Fuck.
In lust we trust;)

FREE yourself

I hated her for leaving that night. I hated my self too. Mostly, because if I had been good enough for her, she never would have had to leave in the first place. 

Superheroes ~ Dani Shay

So give me one thing, something please, just a glimmer of hope. I'm on my knees, I need to know that I'm not crazy! and if I am, tell me now, so I can tie my cape to my straight-jacket and bow out, cause I'm not about to go out this way....

Do not go gentle into that good night....

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

So I've really been diggin' music lately. I like her acoustic-ness and her voice is BEAUTIFUL! with amazing lyrics:)

I know we just met a few months ago and everything... but I'm going to try really hard to make something of this. But, before we get any further I should warn you, I'm incredibly awkward. I stutter, and have a tendency to fumble over all of my words, oh, and I have a huge fear of talking on the phone, and I have so much to say but can never really find the words or the guts to convey how I feel. I'll be jealous of every girl you'll look at, but I'll never let you know. I'll eat way more than you, and not complain about being "fat" because I'm too scared you'll secretly agree. I'd rather stay home with you on a Friday night and listen to old vinyl records than go to some hardcore show. I don't like most people, but I think I might like you. I'm not perfect, and I know it sounds cliche, but who knows, I could be fucking perfect for You. 

You are my sunrise
My bright morning star
My toast and jam
You are the newspaper I read
And the coffee I drink
You are my morning hours
My devotional time
My Bible
My nearly full journal
You are my favorite novel
You are my afternoon walk
You are my muse
You are every word I write
Every line I compose
My heartiest laugh
The butterflies in my stomach
You are my glass of wine
You are my favorite song
You are my sunset
The constellations that light the sky
You are the songs on the radio
You are the memories
You are my bedtime story
You are my blanket
You are my sleep
You are everything

She's lovely... Her hands are trembling because she was, at one point, moved by my love, my sorrows...

I fell in love with her because the first thing I had done to her was hurt her. 

the time came and I was waiting for her to leave... I didn't wait. I wasn't really able to think about what was happening, I was just there...

when I saw her for the last time... it didn't seem like the last anything...

I don;t remember coming home, unlocking the door, and took a bath.

I sat, I listened to the phone ring, and then I went to bed.

It was that day again, and then it wasn't.

Someone said the pain would go away, but I'm not sure that's where I want it to go...

That's how i feel her so sharply, without her

every move i make, 

everything I do bounces back at me.
And I don't like it.

I don't like bouncing off my self....

My mind still clings to images of her....

Love grows beyond the physical person...

I just wish the person you wanted most,

wanted you just the same.

I wish the people you are with for so many years,

are actually your soul mates

are actually the people you marry...

I miss being so comfortable...

knowing that she loved me.... 

Is today gonna be the day you contact me? Is today gonna be the day my phone suddenly vibrates and your name flashes on the screen? Is today gonna be the day I refresh my mailbox and a mail from you will be there? Is today gonna be the day you appear “online” on my contact list and a bleep goes out as you message me? Is today gonna be the day you’re leaving a voicemail on my phone?

This is what I wonder every day.

And I have been wondering for weeks now.

But that day never comes.

I just want to say that if today IS the day, then…
today is also the day you’re gonna bring joy back into my world. Today is gonna be the day for me to smile again. Today is gonna be the day for me to hope for the future again. Today is gonna be the day I don’t go to bed crying.

Please, let today be the day.

stop animal abuse!!!

WARNING::!

This video is very graphic. this is the sad truth that happens for these poor animals...

\

This morning I am headed in to downtown to busk on my guitar and try n' earn my self some dough!
I thought I needed a little morning motivation so, this comic should explain it all!

To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, and it’s not about how you appear, it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, it doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It’s not giving up or giving in. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it isn’t defeat. To let go of something is to cherish the memories, to overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting, it’s learning, it’s experiencing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that once made you cry, laugh, love and grow. It’s about all that you had and all you still have. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. It’s growing up, realising that a heart can sometimes change and it can also be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, clear a path and set yourself free.

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world

 but with you, I know it's no good, 

and just because i'm used to it,

 doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore.

Never Knew -- The Rocket Summer

"I just ran into a few someone's today

Someone's that I never really knew

And I used to think how I had them all so figured out

But no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you

and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you

So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you

For my head, for my heart, for what's true

So I'm burning the thoughts of the things that I once said

Because you tore down the walls that the world has put inside my head

And I just get sick of the things that we think, we think we know

And no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you

and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you

So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you

For my head, for my heart, for what's true

So take me and save me and change me and then make me

And embrace me and then brave my heart for you

No, no, 'cause I can't go on without you

And it's time for something new oh oh

And no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you

and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you

So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you

For my head, for my heart, for what's true

And as they strolled along

My heart broke out in song

From all the things and the thoughts and assumptions that I had wrong

So now I'll be on my way to make this claim

I'll make it famous in every way

I'll make it stay when I will say that...

No, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you

and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you

So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you

For my head, for my heart, for what's true

Oh oh no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you

and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you

So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you

For my head, for my heart, for what's true

Oh no no no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you

and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be, wanna be like you

So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you

For my head, for my heart, for what's true"

if you support equal rights...

Lost to a fighting cause,
hurt and pain burning my mind,
can't see past the wall of hate --
you built up for me...

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I think I’m addicted to your existence.

I hate becoming attached to people because, when I do, it’s that much more difficult when they leave, or, if after I die, I never see anyone I love again. I’m not saying that to be cute, or to be cliché, or to make you feel an artificial sense of significance, because the significance you have in my life doesn’t really need an exaggeration. I feel like I’ve spent more than fifteen years (which doesn’t really seem like too much, but it’s all I know) learning that people aren’t worth dedication. Not to sound condescending or anything, that’s not my intention. Just that people generally aren’t worth it, because everything they do is evolutionary, and evolution has caused for human beings to be very selfish, narcissistic, pompous, egomaniacal (the list goes on) creatures. And people only do things to benefit themselves.

I don’t feel that with you.

I know you’re just a human being. We’re all just human beings. I’ve come to notice that you do a lot of things people wouldn’t normally do. You put yourself in a very vulnerable emotional position when we talk, and I appreciate that. A lot. I know there’s a phrase or a string of words I could assemble to express how much your entire being has affected me, but I honestly just don’t know what they are. But when I think about it, I get a sickeningly lovely feeling.

Yeah, I never really got that feeling before you.

But when I’m deprived of your existence and your presence and your essence… that’s when I don’t feel so well. Remember when we didn’t talk for like a month after we started talking? And we didn’t know each other so well? I still really missed you then, which was a really bad sign for me, so I tried to tell myself that I shouldn't attach myself to you. Too late, I guess. The situation pretty much only became more extreme after you hopped over the wall I built up and hung out with me for a while.

Just wanted you to know that you’ve permanently restored my faith in humanity, and I miss you a lot when you leave.
That’s all.

PS- Distance. Sucks.

PPS- I really, really love you. Like a whole bunch.

I'm so sick of hurting. It's gotten to the point theses days where I don't even care any more;. Beat me, hate me, scream at me but I just don't care any more there's not fucking point to caring any more... I just sometimes wish things were easier, and I wish I didn't hurt so much. I'm sick of everyone blaming everything on me and making me feel even fucking worse than I already do. I'm sick of fucking hurting... and now my mother thinks that keeping me in town, oh my bad, in the FUCKING HOUSE all this summer will be punishment for me... ya, punishment that I can bet my fucking life on will end with me in the psych ward of the hospital... I can't fucking take this any more....

I hurt so much, but at the same time I'm too fucking  numb to feel anything. I want to cut again, just to feel something, to know that I'm alive.  Stuck in this godforsaken fucking town now, all because of a wind shield, until school starts again. I'm going to end up in a fucking insane asylum before the end of the summer....

Rule 369...

Never. Give. Up.

Hope is everything. 

"just shut up and kiss me already"
"...What?"
"just kiss me... i know you want to..."
*smile* "any time baby."

She's lovely, her hands are trembling because she was, at one point, moved by my love. My sorrow. Because no one has ever loved her with this passion, because she is almost 30 years old and yet if she died the next day, there would be no one to mourn like I would. She knows I would still mourn after more than 30 years. I fell in love with her because the first thing I had done to her was hurt her. I might of never noticed her as a person if I had not seen the pain in her eyes.

The time came and I was waiting for her to leave. I didn't wait. I wasn't really able to think about what was happening. I was just there. When I went to walk to see her for the last time, it didn't seem like the last anything. I don't remember walking home. Unlocked the door, close all my windows. Took a bath. I sat. I listened to the phone ring and went to bed. It was that day again, and then it wasn't. This was several times happening. Sometimes I'd reach out to touch her face so I'd know I wasn't alone. Someone said that the pain would go away but I'm not sure that's where I want it to go. It's how I feel her most sharply, and without it...Every move I make echos because she's not here to absorb me. I don't like bouncing back at myself. An ex lover wants your soul, wants your life then your death too. And you give it, its the only way to feel anything again.

It's no event, It's nothing that happened, it's just you. The anger and the beauty that never really goes away. It's not something you could wait out as it disappears, nothing ever really just disappears. My mind still clings to the image of her. Love grows far beyond the physical person. It finds it's deepest meaning in her spiritual being, her inner self. Whether or not she's actually present...Somehow it's important to me. I just wish the people you want the most, want you just the same. I wish the people you were with for so many years are actually your soul mates, are actually the people you do marry. I miss being so comfortable knowing that she loved me, thinking nothing would tare us apart. She's gone and I can't do anything about it. and thats the hardest part, is when you can't do anything about it when you know you want to and you know you would if you could. But you're happy, if she's living her life in happiness and in love, even if it's not with you. You're happy, You're happy because at least she's still smiling...